Please help- what do you think of this poem?

wow. this is really good. it is so pionately written, one can practically feel the fury emanating from these words. the only thing i would change is have the first sentence have fewer ands because it kinda sounds awkward. i would also change, in the last part, the "maybe crueler" to just "crueler" (btw, it doesn't sound any better if you group it like ellie said. it just looks strange)